Hæ!
Lately in this newsletter we’ve been talking about adapting to Icelandic society and what it is like for a foreigner—or a near-foreigner, like I was when I moved back to Iceland. Which is why I was intrigued when I saw that Dan Roh, whom I met at the Iceland Writers Retreat last spring, is producing and performing in a stand-up comedy show where “new Icelanders” talk about this very subject: the trials and tribulations of moving to Iceland as a non-Icelander. I decided that, in this newsletter, I’d pick Dan’s brain a bit about what it was like for him, and what his show is all about.
Tell me a bit about why and when you moved to Iceland
My Icelandic wife and I were living in New York City when covid hit in March 2020. She was pregnant with our first baby. While we had planned to move to Iceland anyway, we decided to prematurely leave our life in Queens and head to the safety of her family and friends. She was already in Iceland for her grandmother’s passing, so I gave away everything we didn’t need and arrived in Iceland with three suitcases. My father-in-law picked me up at the airport and drove me to Borgarnes. My wife met me there and I went straight into the family’s cabin to begin my 14-day quarantine. My wife dropped off food for me at mealtimes by the door and we took walks together in the idyllic and snowy countryside, sure to stay 2 meters apart. In the span of four days, we had left Astoria, which would become the epicenter of the COVID crisis in the US for a short period of time, for a little town, more like a village, in the Icelandic countryside.
What has been the most difficult thing about living here?
Accepting the reality that there are two Icelands, one where Icelandic is spoken and real-life decisions are made that shape the country, and the other Iceland. I belong to the other Iceland.
But, I’m incredibly lucky to be married into an Icelandic family. I get invited to the baptisms and naming ceremonies, graduations, Easter and Christmas dinners. I don’t know what all the songs that we sing mean, but I like the sound of them. Especially “Í siðasta skipti” by Friðrik Dór. Immigrants that I know who aren’t married into this country often talk about how isolated they feel. They don’t get to participate in the cultural traditions here. They aren’t woven into the societal fabrics that bind this place.
I also am the most privileged type of immigrant. I speak English with an American accent and get to operate from that cultural standpoint. Icelanders generally seem to like American culture and we have seen a lot of the same movies, like the same musicians, etc. Sometimes it feels a little ridiculous to be complaining when I have it so good.
What has been the most pleasant thing about living here?
The people are genuinely kind and wonderful, once you get to know them. They’re relaxed, accepting. They’re really funny as well, although very dry at times. Their humor is different. It’s a little dark but also somehow hopeful.
The social safety net is much stronger than in the US. Not having to worry about a huge bill for a medical emergency is a blessing I try not to take for granted. I didn’t pay a single króna for an emergency surgery I received, nor did we pay anything for the birth of both of our sons. Also, my union covered the costs of my university diploma program in Icelandic.
I also love proximity to nature. I love climbing and mountaineering. I am probably the first person of Asian descent to cross Vatnajökull on skis. Although it may sound silly, on particularly difficult or remote missions with my friends, I often think that I probably am the first of my kind to have reached a summit or landmark.
The mountaineering school I attended in my first year in Iceland also only cost 6000 ISK per semester, roughly $45. It was funded by the local government. That would never happen in the States.
Has anything surprised you about living in Iceland?
How much of an “island mentality” exists. It is surprising because Iceland has such a world presence and so many visitors from all over the world. Sometimes I wonder if many Icelanders would prefer to go back to the Iceland that existed pre-tourism boom. Maybe they want the boost to the economy that tourism brings but not the actual tourists themselves. And as someone who is on-sight treated as a tourist, it gets old to be on the receiving end of such casual dismissal in many places I go. But maybe Icelanders are just more reserved and my American sensibilities have given me unrealistic expectations.
Also, the child raising philosophy is very different. There’s so much less pressure on the kids to always behave and “be seen but not heard,” something my Korean and American upbringing instilled in me. In Iceland, my wife and I can seem like the boring and stricter parents in our circles. But when we visited the US with my four-year-old and two-year-old this past summer, I realized that we have a bunch of noisy, “run around and be free” Icelandic kids. I realized we could never raise our kids in America and definitely not in Korea. Partly because of the high costs associated with childcare, but also because of the lack of freedom that children have in these countries, compared to Iceland. Many Icelandic children walk to school from an early age, sometimes as young as six. As parents, we can relax way more in Iceland. So much so that we put our babies down for naps outside of our homes.
Tell me about your show!
Six immigrant comedians are performing stand-up at Kópavogur’s theater, Salurinn. We named it “Belonging?” We all hail from different countries: Venezuela, the Dominican Republic, Turkey and Denmark. We’ve either married in, divorced out, come to study, but we all love life here and are attempting to build a life for ourselves. It’s not always successful, but it’s a rich experience. And although we can tell stories about some disappointing or racist experiences, we mostly try to share our fondness for our adopted home while trying to make you laugh. I believe we’re all optimists that can see an Iceland that is welcoming, vibrant and diverse and we’re trying to share that vision with others.
Dan Roh is a thirty-three-year-old Korean-American immigrant that has lived in Iceland for nearly five years. He teaches at the International School of Iceland and tries to find any excuse to take his students outside during lessons. He is an avid mountaineer, father of two young boys and husband to an Icelandic woman. You can find him on his blog, Facebook and Instagram.
Tickets to “Belonging?” are available via Tix.
Interested in getting to know the Icelanders? How about starting with the bestselling Little Book of the Icelanders, 4.4 stars on Amazon, with 551 ratings.
Nice interview. Having just returned from my 90-day maximum summer in Skagafjörður, í clearly felt much of what Dan described. I’m so happy to be back home in the US and would do this summer all over again if the opportunity presents itself again. Could I however request better summer weather?
Very interesting insight- and thanks for making us aware of the show!